Today I took my children to a wonderful event at one of the local libraries. We had a great time and found books and they were very well behaved. The library happens to also house an art museum. Since John and I had seen the exhibit that was currently being shown several years earlier and the paintings were all up high I decided to take the kids so they could check it out. They see art that we do, they see what is in books or a few pieces on a wall, but have not really experienced an art museum in their memory. This is when the journey went down hill.
The woman behind the counter reminded me to not let them touch anything. Silly me assumed she met the art work. Of course I gave her my word they would not. Then she commented that my son needed a tissue. He has a speech issue and he drools quite a bit, especially when his allergies are in full swing. I already had one, and took care of it. Then we began to look at the exhibits. I noticed the woman looking in the window as we looked at the first room of exhibits. Then she came in and walked around several times. We moved onto the second room of exhibits and then she came in again and walked around a bit. We were playing a game to get them to notice details in the paintings. They had to stand under their favorite and then share why it was their favorite, and then their second favorite and so on. Caleb touched the wall as he stood under his favorite. The woman scuttled over and said you really must not touch anything. I explained the children had not touched any art work, at most they may have touched the wall. She emphasized that was not acceptable. They were to touch nothing. I told her I would make sure the touched nothing and she left.
I was so angry I teared up. I told the children we were no longer welcomed and needed to leave. We left and as I was packing up the kids in the car, the words from Chris at Bible Study came back to me as we studied Acts 18: 9-10, "Do not be afraid, but speak and do not be silent: for I am with you....."
I remembered Chris telling me that some people have difficulty in doing that and that is why it is part of my job to do it. I need to stand up for those who are too afraid. Between that and my anger about being followed around just because I had young children I went back into talk to the woman.
All though I did not get through it without tears, I did explain to her that her behavior and comments made me feel like a criminal and it was very degrading. I shared my frustration at wanting to share great works of art with my children so that they could learn to love art and if they were not acceptable then the institution should clearly state that. She said she did not mean it that way and was very flustered. Then we left.
I have been running it through my head afterwards today. I was thinking I had a taste of what all those other groups who are routinely persecuted feel. I could have just as easily felt the feelings of anger, resentment, judgement and frustration for simply being me that a young black man may feel in a white area, a gay person holding hands with her partner in a public square, a homeless person making my way on the street, a Latino in Arizona, a woman in an all male board room, or a poor person shopping in an upper middle class store may feel. The incident took away my "white, middle class privilege" for the briefest of moments and I hated it. The funny thing is I am not usually aware of that privilege until it is taken away.
The feeling of uneasiness, of not belonging, of threat could be present in any of those situations for any of us. The hurt, the rage, the anger at being unjustly accused of something that did not harm was there. I wonder how will I feel going into another art museum. I know I won't go back there for some time, as God is still working on me and I have way too much pride for my own good. But the question is still there will I go back? What about those other groups who don't have a choice? What about all the other people who experience that level of prejudice daily?
This then made me think about our churches.
How do you think people who usually do not attend church feel when they come into our churches? Are there comments that seem unobtrusive but are really biting and hurtful when combined with actions that we exhibit to new people? Do we make people feel unwelcomed without asking them to leave exactly but with out behavior, and words? What about those kids who run screaming through the sermon to the pulpit - are they and their parents welcomed? The gay couple holding hands while listening to God's word next to the straight couple who have been doing the same thing for the last ten years - are they welcomed? What about the homeless person who could not shower? The man in his work clothes because he does not have time to change? What about woman whose husband has died and although young and able bodied can't force herself to stand when she is supposed to because her body is just so heavy with grief? Do you know her pain, or are you assuming she is just choosing not to respect God?
I wonder sometimes how much my assumptions affect my behavior. I think this little experience will help me to focus on when I begin making judgments and assumptions so I can at least be aware of what I am doing. Hopefully catching myself before any actions or words of harm leave me. So I can truly try to be simply God's love and not pretend to know how to pass judgement, since I can't do it right either.
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