General Conference Pain

I have been thinking about the General Conference for the United Methodist church a lot.  To be honest I never thought I would.  It seemed so obsolete.  There is a big group of people who get together to alter the Book of Discipline.  The first time I experienced General Conference I was not even aware it was happening.  This year I definitely was.  I got updates from friends.  I checked out the website.  I even watched some video clips.  I found myself so intimately involved in what was going on that some of their pain was mine.  I also found that their decisions were going to affect me and my ministry for a very long time.

They voted to do away with guaranteed appointments, but we are still itinerant.  I understand the itinerantcy (asking us to move when needed), but if we are not guaranteed to have an income to provide for our families how can we be itinerant?  We need to be able to live someplace where we can get another job and for some pastors another house if we find ourselves church less.  I have faith that God will see me through this, but it just doesn't feel like they were thinking about the pastors. It felt like a large business making executive decisions.  It was not even voted on on the floor to the best of my understanding.   Now we may not feel the ramifications here in this conference, but there are some pastors I know that definitely feel betrayed and hurt by this decision.

Then we move onto restructuring. It was voted upon and so many people were confused and upset about the new structure and we found out it was unconstitutional. Now there is a feeling of unsettledness.

Then we get to the idea of our Lesbian, Gay, Transgendered, and Bisexual brothers and sisters and where they stand in the the church. There was so much pain in those conversations. Finally the vote to remove some offensive phrasing about LGBT embers being against the will of God from our Discipline was voted down. I then read a response from some upper New York delegates who were delighted with the results. For the first time since I have felt called I did not feel wanted by the United Methodist Church. Mind you I am as straight as they come and very firm in my gender identity but I felt hurt and unwanted. Rev. Van Dussen made it clear that “we” had to be firm and scriptural, and there was no room for this in the church. You see I have prayerfully considered this question for a long time and received a different revelation. Does that mean there is no room for me in this church? He then came across very clear as there is no room for change on this matter and that it was prayerfully the work of God.

I have to ask – was it? I read a great deal of research in high school on brain chemistry and fundamental differences in brains and genes. Did God not make us? Did God not call us all good? Check out Genesis if you need a recap. Then when I read some passages in the Bible that sounded anti homosexual to a modern reader I was upset, but was willing to listen to the Lord. For two years I prayed about it. For two years I talked about it in a group where the majority did not believe that Homosexual activities were okay by “God” yet they were willing to have the conversations. I found the answer in my heart with a revelation when I was reading scripture and I knew what the answer was. God made all things and called them all Good! Including my LBGT brothers and Sisters. Later on I learned that when reading the scriptures at the time periods what they were refering to. None of them, not one that that has been presented to me as anti gay was written regarding loving monogamous relationships with partners. Not one of them referred to a relationship, but rather either aggressive acts of dominance or pagan worship rituals. This is not what I have witnessed in gay couples I have met.

Then I read about Jesus's radical social justice movements. I am pretty sure he was fighting a religious consensus on what was right, what was okay, and what was accepted. So to be told by Mr. Van Dussen that this was a done topic and that we upheld the right beliefs and there is no room in the UMC for this or for the compassion that was shown these people made me so angry. How can anyone say that compassion is wrong. Understanding and reaching out to one in pain is wrong. Have you ever seen an alcoholic go through withdrawal? Would you sit there even if you thought it was due to their own “sin” and let them suffer without compassion? If you are any type of Christian I hope you answer that No. Then how can you let a person whom society and the church has hurt sit in their pain without compassion. How can you be so self righteous.

This is why my generation has checked out of the church. When you can't treat people who are wonderful gracious, God fearing people with dignity why should I bother to try and be fed by your “spirituality”? I know I am screwed up and sinful and messed up on more levels than one so I am in no position to judge. I also do not need to be judged by anyone else. My conscience does a pretty bang up job of it regularly, thank you very much.

So I am left wondering – God is there room for me here? You have shown me that I am to help, love, and respect my LGBT brothers and sisters, and yet I am not sure how to do that in an environment that does not see any room for your divine revelation. What am I to do now? What are those hurt by this church to do now? 


The article link is here: http://www.unyumc.org/news/detail/1154